How To Be A Successful Author

In 12 Easy Steps:

1. Have a very flat female protagonist with no personality; that way, teenage girls can imagine they are Bella, or Katniss

or Anakin.

2. Have a lot of romance, and a love-triangle if possible. (It’s always possible)

3. You don’t really need to include a plot; the romance element can cunfuse people into thinking you have one.

4. Make sure the protagonist is in some sort of situation teenage girls never get into, so the readers can identify much less with her.

5. Have her face a difficult decision, and then make the wrong choice; this will be misinterpreted as deep powerful storytelling.

6. Use a lot of colourful sounding words even if you don’t know what they mean. That will make it more difficult and exciting for the reader.

7. Make the book as long as possible. That way, readers can enjoy it more.

8. Be sure to include a lot of pointless characters and only feature each of them once. Nobody will notice that they never appear again.

9. Include as many details about everything as possible. Readers don’t like to use their imaginations.

10. The love interest should be obsessed with the protagonist to the point at which it is creepy. Readers find it endearing.

11. Don’t stop at one book. Write at least three.

12. Avoid using your full name.  Your book should be published under your first and middle initials and your last name. It worked for Tolkien, Lewis, Wells and Rowling, why wouldn’t it work for you?

Your initials make the story better.

I would also like to welcome my first ever follower, who writes some interesting things here.


3 thoughts on “How To Be A Successful Author

    • Thank you for commenting. I personally find those stories tedious and superfluous; but, everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion.

  1. It sees to me you have a genuine distaste for popular young adult fiction. Anyway, 12 is one of the common ‘tricks’ (given that we can call it that) that baffles me until today. I mean, what’s with the formula of [initials + some random surname]? It’s preposterous.

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